


tender waves

by apricty



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, First Love, Friends to Lovers, Kissing, M/M, Slice of Life, childhood crushes, they are cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29965071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apricty/pseuds/apricty
Summary: Kai meets a boy at the beach. One of those days when the sun hits the ocean, and waves crash against the shoreline, his heart crashes too.“I’ve been staring for too long, and you know staring is never enough. So kiss it off me, hyung.”
Relationships: Choi Yeonjun/Huening Kai
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	tender waves

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dracometria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dracometria/gifts).



> _I know well sookai is your OTP, but I wanted to make something special, different, and enjoyable. I tried my best with this, and I hope you like it. Since we rarely find any yeonkai fics here, I wanted to write this one for you._
> 
> _Thank you, Mei. For always being kind, for listening, for caring, and being yourself with us, with me. Happy birthday ♡ I hope life brings great things for you, I'm sure it will._
> 
> I wrote this while religiously listening to [Cry](https://open.spotify.com/album/4uQ5kFmXQdCxz3WvM4UUzy?si=Xbrmgz0RSbGy7l5Zfl3Vbw), the album has such nice vibe, and I couldn't resist. And sorry i couldn't exactly proofread but really tried godshd

“You’ve been harboring all of it since you met?” Taehyun asks, his hands reach his face and he laughs broadly, not minding the huge number of people surrounding them. Kai shakes his head, partly because he can’t believe the conversation didn’t end right after it started and partly because he’s sweating, the sun is burning his head even under the parasol.

But it is a habit of them to walk to the beach, use the yellow parasol they’ve been renting since they met (the one that doesn’t fulfill its job when summer kicks in), and lay on the sand to talk about life.

 _Harboring_ lingers in his mind. Kai thinks it is more like cherishing.

“Do I really have to start again?” He’s been trying to explain this topic for a long time, hours, days, months, but never to this depth, and that must confuse his redhead friend. It isn’t an easy story to tell, much less to understand.

“I can listen, go on,” Taehyun says and closes his eyes, but the smile on his lips doesn’t fade. Kai feels that Taehyun will end up falling asleep. It’ll be like telling some kind of bedtime story to help his friend recover from all the past restless nights. Kai sighs. He knows talking about it makes him feel like a kid, silly and blushed all over again, but it also makes his heart race in a nice way.

Kai was ten when he first met Yeonjun. There was a cerise-hued tone in the sky that colored the ocean, and the sand was hot under his feet, but the water was cold. It was summer, squatting near some boulders and other regular rocks, he dedicated his afternoons to collect tiny shells.

After school, Kai’s aunt used to take him and his sisters to the beach. Those days, while trying not to slip and trip, nor to step on tiny crabs, he noticed a boy. One of those you don’t see any day but would notice instantly. The boy used to walk on the beach surrounded by five other guys, but none of the others were relevant in Kai’s eyes, they all walked behind _him_.

 _Choi Yeonjun!_ _Yeonjun-ah!_ Every player screamed at him. Yeonjun played volleyball in the afternoon until the sun was no longer visible, he was a libero. Kai didn’t know this until later in life when he noticed that that was the reason Yeonjun dressed differently than the rest. But for Kai, it was never only Yeonjun’s clothes, but his eyes.

Yeonjun’s gaze felt heavy, like his eyes carried the whole world, tons of oceans, and unknown species. They were bright, like the sun and the other millions of stars Kai often saw in the pictures of his sister’s physics book. The universe was pretty, but the sea was much more intriguing.

When the sun started going down and Kai felt like collecting shells wasn’t what he wanted to do for the rest of the day, he sat at the very top of a dry boulder and watched the match take place. There are times in life when looking at a person doing something with so much passion triggers the mind into wishing to be able to do that too, one might start wondering if it will make you feel with the same intensity. For Kai, it happened quite a few times while watching Yeonjun.

The thing with Yeonjun was that everything he did was done with passion. The kind of passion that could be seen through the eyes and felt in the air.

Kai loved that.

And Kai tried all of it.

He was ten and quite bold, so he walked to school holding the straps of his backpack tightly, and in his mind, there was only one thing: 'can I join the team?'. His sister noticed how tense he looked on their way to school, but she patted his head and rubbed his belly gently, it was often a caress that helped him forget his worries, but that time, it felt like nothing. However, Kai was glad he wasn't asked about his constipated face and didn’t need to talk about how he planned it all out last night before sleeping but completely forgot his speech in the morning.

Kai stood straight inside the gym, with his heart shaking and his hands gripped to his shorts because thirteen-year-old Yeonjun was walking towards him, the sun fell in waves from the tall windows framing him, almost like a model. Kai was at that age when anyone two or three years older than him looked like a god, Yeonjun smirked because he knew.

“Do you like the game?” the elder boy asked, running a hand through his brown hair, and holding the white ball in his forearm, loosely.

“I want to know if I do,” Kai muttered, he was sure he liked the way it made people scream and their eyes shine. More specifically, how Yeonjun’s eyes shined.

Yeonjun nodded thinking, his eyes squinted. “Have you ever played?”

“I’ve seen many games,” _yours, every afternoon, after school._

“Seeing isn’t enough, you have to play,” Yeonjun leaned very near Kai’s face with a smile, he was tall, too tall, Kai thought. “I’ll teach you.”

Kai spent afternoons with sand between his feet trying to recall each movement he had seen before when he watched from the distance. Kai’s hands clenched waiting for the ball to reach his side and his eyes quivered to not lose sight of it. It was hard. But Yeonjun was quite a good teacher for being thirteen, he was patient and laughed a lot.

Of course, Yeonjun mocked him more times than not, and Kai’s cheeks blushed in embarrassment without notice whenever that happened. Mostly because Yeonjun was the type to nudge him and get so close to his face with the widest smirk plastered on his lips. But it was thanks to those days with the red sun shining beside them and the sweat falling from their foreheads that they became closer.

“Look, I’m not saying you are bad. I just think we need to practice more, tomorrow, the day after, and so on,” Yeonjun said one time, breathless from jumping.

“I am not sure if I can hold on,” Kai had noticed that volleyball was not for him. His small body hurt from the sun and the jump, and the ball hitting him more times than the ones he had hit it.

“You surely can, you’ve been doing so for a month already!”

But Yeonjun was some kind of cheerleader who always believed in Kai and dragged him back to the coast. Like waves bringing shells from the ocean to land, it was impossible to say no. It had been a month of Kai hitting a ball and his body marked with a few purple places. Yeonjun had said those would disappear, but Kai wasn’t sure of how soon they would if he kept messing around. How was Yeonjun so good and so young? Kai would never make it.

“Don’t lower your head! I’ll buy you a slushy,” the elder patted Kai’s back, smiling. Kai’s pretty sure there is no memory of those days where Yeonjun isn’t smiling, he was reassuring all along, each time Kai fell, or the ball hit his head, “I heard you liked grape juice the other day...” and he paid attention to detail.

Kai was so small beside Yeonjun back then, he was thinner and shorter, he wore those sleeveless shirts with animals printed on them that Yeonjun loved making fun of, meanwhile, the elder wore simpler clothes and the usual white headband that made him look cooler than any other kid around. As they started to grow and Yeonjun found out other million things he was good at, Kai found himself dazzled by how much beauty existed in everything Yeonjun loved doing. Yeonjun must’ve been some kind of magician who found the best in life and aced it at once. When Yeonjun started playing football, Kai followed. When Yeonjun went to some parties he called ‘fun’, Kai walked right behind.

Kai was so young when he realized he had a crush. It was a small tingle in his heart, he thought.

But he grew into understanding crushes aren’t always as small as they seem, much less when you’ve had it since you met, much less when you spend the next years of your life around such person, much much less when lines start to get blurred. Because even when the surface of the ocean is calm, waves still grow under it, until they are too big they can no longer be contained.

Kai used to be sure it had started with him wanting to learn volleyball because he thought _it_ was cool, and football seemed interesting because following a ball around looked exciting, and parties were places he loved to go, so he could meet new people, though he hated the smell… and sometimes the people.

Because everything was interesting when Yeonjun was around, and the latter always dragged Kai along.

—

“I don’t understand,” Taehyun says opening his eyes, his red hair shines against the white sand, and he scowls. “So you still like him?”

Kai nods, wishing he wouldn’t have to.

“You met Yeonjun when you were ten, and you knew you liked him?” Kai shakes his head at this. He didn’t know. Though he should’ve noticed.

“I realized when I was fifteen.”

“Oh, the age...” Taehyun’s mouth morphs into a circle and his eyes glister because _it makes sense_. He places his arms behind his head.

“The age,” Kai echoes. Out of previous conversations, both had realized they liked certain people at that age in more than platonic ways. Initially, they started talking about Taehyun’s huge crush on a boy he met on one of his trips through the world —actually, that was the main reason they went out, Taehyun called asking for his best friend, and Kai left home running. At some point, they shifted their conversation to impossible relationships and childhood crushes. Their talks were the kind that started with: ‘this food is tasty!’ and ended up in existential crises.

“Go in detail, I have time,” Taehyun says softly, his eyes close again. He always has time to listen.

Kai was fifteen sitting on the sand, resting his chin on his palm. He looked at Yeonjun hitting the ball perfectly, as usual, that was Kai’s late noon routine after he stopped trying to learn to play volleyball. He was ‘retired’ as he liked to reply when anyone asked, specifically, his mother.

Because they spent years’ worth of sunsets together, Kai’s mom often asked for Yeonjun. Yeonjun who walked Kai home and who waited for him after school. Yeonjun who taught him to ride a bike and healed the scratches on his knees. Yeonjun with whom he watched movies on that old red sofa with a cup of their favorite mint chocolate ice cream and other snacks. They got to the point of being called _brothers_ even when they didn’t look related at all, but people knew that wherever one went, the other would eventually show up.

They had grown into teens, but Kai felt ten every time he stood near Yeonjun.

Yeonjun looked taller, much more grown, he had started to lose the fat in what used to be his cute round cheeks, not like it was ever noticeable. But Kai was very good at spotting the differences between the boy he used to look at every so often. Kai hoped he would look that great in three years too, he hoped time would pass soon, the same way time passed quickly when he was around Yeonjun. Years felt like those sunsets they often looked at together. When the sky looks like it will darken slowly, for a bit it does, it goes from vibrant red to pink, and purple and all its shades, then without notice the stars shine between pitch black.

Yeonjun had gone into college, he was a very popular freshman. Kai always knew Yeonjun would be popular wherever he went. Kai knew the eyes of people passing by them were instantly placed in Yeonjun. He understood, he would’ve done the same (he already had). Yeonjun waited for him out of his high school’s gate and all the girls went crazy chit-chatting and the boys constantly complimented the elder’s looks. Yeonjun would go all fuzzy when they walked far enough for people not to see him squealing.

That’s something else Kai learned over time. Yeonjun’s weakness was to be complimented. Kai noticed once while training, when he couldn’t keep hitting the ball. Kai was laying on the sand, completely beaten up and without the will to stand, so Yeonjun tried dragging him up, but the younger found his way out by calling him ‘cute-seonsaeng-nim’, Yeonjun blushed instantly, and his eyes became lines. “Yah, that won’t work on me,” but it did.

Kai thought Yeonjun was indeed _very_ cute, so he kept calling him that until they stopped training together. Then Kai came up with other compliments because Yeonjun would place his hands on his cheeks to cover the pink blush that had colored them.

“Hyungieeee,” Kai would call and purse his hands cutely near his face, Yeonjun would look away with a bright smile but go back to hold Kai’s face with both hands.

“What is it, Hueningie?” Yeonjun would reply with the same cutesy tone.

They were like that, so close to fall asleep together while watching movies, or having nice night escapes to the beach and throwing each other into the cold water. Yeonjun would dare Kai to not scream, but the elder would be the one who’d end up screaming his lungs out.

And they would tell each other everything except for a few other secrets Kai felt he couldn’t reveal. Kai had seen Yeonjun kiss a girl or two, and a boy every other time. He didn’t mind, he thought. But his stomach felt empty even when he had had one of those slushies Yeonjun always bought for him. Yeonjun never introduced him to any of his lovers or whatever they were, but Kai could see the elder going out with them and holding their hands.

Kai’s hands felt empty and longed to be held too.

“So you and that girl,” Kai hummed once when he felt brave enough. They were sitting on Yeonjun’s old red couch because the elder got recommended a movie he wanted to watch with him.

“Which girl?” Yeonjun said, his eyebrows furrowed.

“The volleyball player,” Kai looked at the way he was fidgeting with his fingers, he was nervous to bring it up. It wasn't his place, but he still wanted to know. His voice was low, shy, “you kissed her.”

“Yeah, I did. Why?” Yeonjun had a way of talking, nonchalantly, casually, like things meant not much. Probably a kiss didn’t mean much for Yeonjun who had kissed a lot of people, but for Kai, kissing was supposed to be special and intimate.

“What does it feel like to kiss someone, hyung?” Kai asked, with a slight quiver in his voice. He had once watched a movie in which something similar happened. The protagonist had this set of undying feelings for a boy, but later as she got kissed, and she moved on. Maybe if he would get kissed, he’d move on too.

“Great, I guess,” Yeonjun’s shoulders shrugged.

“How great?” Kai absolutely wanted to know. If he had been just a bit bolder, if his heart wouldn’t have been racing like it could go out of his mouth at any moment, maybe he would’ve said ‘teach me this too’, the way Yeonjun had taught him in the past everything he knew.

“Alright, fine, okay, good. I don’t know. I’m running out of synonyms,” Yeonjun looked at Kai confused but smiling still, “are we watching the movie or interrogating me?”

Kai didn’t reply. Yeonjun didn’t want to kiss him, that was it. The thought was kept in his mind for a long time, and it wandered around his dreams too. Did he like Yeonjun? Never, never, they were just friends. They shared a million similar likes and tons of hours together, he must’ve been confused for a moment. But why did it bother his tiny body the fact that Yeonjun kissed other lips and held other hands? Kai was young, dumb, and in love.

He called it _love_ even when he didn’t know if that was the right word to use, but for his mind and whatever his heart was feeling, that word fitted perfectly.

However, he didn’t say a word about it to Yeonjun. After the realization, the feelings slid slowly to the back of his mind, like forgotten childhood memories, because as he grew things got a little complicated and many other issues started to rise. Life in general, school, new friends, and the undying love he had found for singing. In that, Yeonjun accompanied him too, to all the auditions and music festivals Kai wanted to go to or participate in.

“Are you ready?” Yeonjun pressed both his palms on Kai’s cheeks, squishing his face while looking at the way Kai’s lips puckered into a pout.

“Always,” Kai replied with a muffled voice coming from his squished lips. Every time Yeonjun had an important event he replied to anyone who asked he was “always ready”, even when it wasn’t true. Kai picked that up, he probably picked more mannerisms and phrases than he could recall. But they kind of worked.

“You’ll be amazing, I know!”

Yeonjun cared for him in ways many people didn’t, through big and small gestures. Kai made sure to give back as much as he could while trying to never cross the line with his own feelings. He made sure to remind himself that it was a crush that no longer existed, that time had faded.

Kai even started dating a boy he met in college. Beomgyu was his name, he treated Kai with care and gentleness. But despite Beomgyu being his boyfriend, Yeonjun was the one who took him places often the most. Kai liked Beomgyu’s lovely words, the small giggles, and the huge teddy bear he had bought for him. Sometimes he would get handwritten letters and oversized hoodies as gifts because Beomgyu’s eyes turned into crescents when Kai drowned in those.

Beomgyu was one of a kind, funny, and understanding. Yeonjun even mocked him once in a while over how soft his boyfriend was, and how big Kai looked beside him.

—

“So you gave up on it?” Taehyun frowns quickly as he turns to face Kai, the latter can’t help but giggle.

“I was not telling, but I also wasn’t waiting my whole life, you know?”

“I am seeing red. You could’ve just said what you felt!” Taehyun slaps his forehead, “what could’ve gone wrong?”

Taehyun often gets confused over Kai’s life decisions, Kai is well aware, but he’s also not fazed by it. At the time, he thought keeping his mouth shut was the best thing he could do. “It isn’t that easy,” talking about the way you feel and how your heart crashes like waves in the ocean when he is near, or how it calms the torments in your mind just to know he exists. “And you know it doesn’t even end like that!”

“Okay, how did it go then?” Taehyun rests on his side, looking at Kai with furrowed eyebrows, it looks like the frown has been tattooed on his friend’s face because it’s been there for so long.

Kai broke up with Beomgyu on a Monday, it is still vivid because they were supposed to go on their weekly date to the mall, watch a movie in the cinema, kiss, and play some arcade games together after. It didn’t go as planned, Kai started the conversation because Beomgyu was never the kind to talk about such serious matters. It was over trivial things, small fights, and unspoken words that were thrown into a trash can that couldn’t bear any more trash.

Kai’s heart ached for a while. It wasn’t easy to forget about the memories. He stayed inside his house for a week. The first day, after he confirmed to the world _it_ was over, and that his heart hurt a bit, he found Yeonjun waiting outside the door holding bags full of candy and a newly bought plushie.

Yeonjun smiled when he saw him, and Kai let himself melt in the embrace of his friend.

Yeonjun researched nights for a good movie to watch together and help Kai forget that pain was even existent. It was comfortable sitting beside the other, curled up close watching TV.

Those were the times when lines started to get blurred. Kai wouldn’t say it was his mind confusing things, neither would he say it was the ache in his heart.

Because it started again, slowly, like tender waves.

Yeonjun walked inside Kai’s house with wrinkles in the corners of his eyes and his full wide smile at the sight of the younger whose hair was made a mess. Yeonjun took Kai’s face between his hands each time he arrived, he tiptoed to bury his head in Kai’s hair, then left a gentle kiss on it; a kiss that didn’t last long but either was harried like those times he’d kiss him goodbye, it was soft, it felt warm. Then he proceeded to cook. Like nothing.

It left Kai confused, not because it hadn’t happened before, it had. But because there was a different feeling. Usually, Yeonjun would walk in and hug him tight, trying to leave him breathless, or he’d squish Kai’s face and laugh with his extended arms, never too close. Not as close as when they were kids.

But more importantly, head kisses weren’t part of _their_ normal, so they touched those strings in Kai’s heart that hadn’t rung in a while. The strings that had Yeonjun’s name in them.

Yeonjun cooked while blasting music and Kai often walked near to ask if he could help. Yeonjun would always say no, but Kai loved to mess around anyway. One time, while chopping the vegetables, he almost slid his finger.

“I told you I’d take care of it,” Yeonjun nagged Kai gently, but with his usual scowl and thick lips in a pout. He placed a band-aid around the younger’s forefinger and held Kai’s hand to kiss it with a smile. “Go buy grape juice, you finished the one I bought yesterday.”

Kai left the house with some coins and the ghost of a kiss over his hand. A small cut made quite a big mess of his heart.

Every day he was left sleeping in his bed, his head rumbling around thousands of scenarios and bad ideas, bad as in… they would leave him heartbroken if they became true. It didn’t make sense for Yeonjun to kiss his head or his hand. To walk inside and hug him tight until he fell asleep. Kai fell asleep in the warmth of Yeonjun’s arms more nights than not.

It didn’t make sense because it happened every other day. Yeonjun burying his head in Kai’s hair and giggling, or holding Kai’s face and kissing his forehead, then his nose, then the freckles on it, and then that place that’s a little too near the start of his lips. That was why when the night fell, and they watched movies, snuggled on _their_ couch, Kai would wonder what would happen if he turned just slightly up, and their eyes met, and their lips kissed… but he wouldn’t do it. He’d never do it.

Kai had always been a clingy friend, and he loved to rub people’s bellies to cheer them up, and he loved being hugged and snuggled and shrugged. There was nothing that made him happier than his favorite people being close. But he knew when there was a slight change in the touch, like that one time Lea didn’t want to be hugged but let herself be just for Kai’s happiness, it didn’t feel the same. Yeonjun’s arm placed around him, his thumb gently circling his shoulder… it didn’t feel like back in their teens years watching silly cartoon movies.

“Why don’t you ask him?” Lea said once she saw Kai sprawling on the couch. Kai was confused, of course, how would his sister know he was thinking about the why’s, and how’s Yeonjun’s lips were so puffed and pink? And the second most important question would’ve been why did Yeonjun place them so close to his face it felt like a sin not being able to kiss them?

“Maybe I should,” _maybe I can’t._

Lea was probably mind-cursing him. She knew since day one because Kai was young and obvious, but she was a good secret-keeper. Lea was surprised when Kai didn’t bring Yeonjun home for their Christmas Eve dinner the year before. Yeonjun was someone Kai’s family cherished, so it felt empty without him. “But Yeonjun-hyung told me he couldn’t come!” he had to explain so they’d leave him alone.

It was morning, a Sunday, and Kai was sitting under a parasol eating in tiny bits the mint-choco ice cream he was supposed to save for Yeonjun. There, and after almost a month of letting himself be pampered with kisses and hugs, he decided he had to do _it_ , finally. Be bold.

“Yah!” Yeonjun screamed from afar, walking into the beach, from the gravel path he waved his hand. Yeonjun’s skin was golden for years of standing under the sun, and his hair was bright yellow, he had dyed it many times before, it only made him stand out more. But walking with the wide blue sky behind him made him look quite like the sun. He shone the same way Kai knew, in the same way, he always had.

“You finished the ice cream,” Yeonjun’s stare fell, he appeared to sulk, he winced just like he usually did when something bothered him, tightly knitting his brows. “I told you to save some for me. I didn’t even get to taste it,” but the light in Yeonjun’s eyes wasn’t that of him mad, instead, it beamed slight sadness.

Kai knew he liked Yeonjun—much more than he had imagined—when he realized he found cute the way Yeonjun threw tantrums. Like back then when Kai was eighteen and he couldn't stop addressing Yeonjun as Yeonjun-ssi. Yeonjun’s sulky face was cute, his pink lips formed a pout and his eyes became small bit by bit. “Hyung,” Kai said, leveling his eyes. Yes, he had finished Yeonjun’s ice cream while thinking a bit too hard about what he should do with his feelings. The feelings he had spent at least half his life rationalizing, then forgotten. But it was all back again, stronger. “Kiss it off me,” Kai heaved.

Yeonjun’s head tilted, his pout disappeared and his brows raised slowly, “what?”

“If you want to get a taste of your ice cream… kiss it off me,” Kai’s voice was sure of the words that came from it. But that wasn’t the intent he had in mind. Maybe, maybe a kiss would be enough to take everything away. Just one. “I’ve been staring for too long, and you know staring is never enough. So kiss it off me, hyung.”

Yeonjun humphed with a smile, surprised. He slowly reached for Kai’s cheek, letting his eyes delicately fall over the younger’s lips. Kai gasped without moving much, his eyes too had fallen to stare at Yeonjun’s lips. The lips Kai had many times thought of kissing, full and rosy.

“You have no idea how much I’ve waited for this,” Yeonjun sighed once his lips were a breath away from Kai’s. “I’m not one to wait, Kai-yah. I’ve never been. But I’d always wait for you.”

Kai felt in his neck the warm touch of Yeonjun’s hand holding him in place. It started slowly, a caress of Yeonjun’s lips over his, and of Kai’s hands traveling on its own through Yeonjun’s hair, disheveling it.

Then, Yeonjun’s tongue fondled Kai’s lower lip, gently asking for permission to be let in. Kai’s mouth agreed as Yeonjun’s hand guided his back to the sand. It felt warm, everything. Almost like burning, his hands, his mouth, the heat of the sun falling all over them. Then he knew, a kiss would never wash away the feelings that had grown in the course of a life.

Yeonjun parted their lips to breathe, he tried to make it seem like he didn’t need much air, though it was noticeable both were gasping for it. It was Yeonjun’s eyes that shone sincerely at everything the elder looked at, what Kai had initially fallen for. After the kiss, while looking at him, Yeonjun’s eyes shined lovingly.

Kai loved Yeonjun’s eyes.

They didn’t talk about that kiss, nor about the many others that followed, or about them walking back home holding hands. Kai’s heart felt like exploding at any given minute if they talked about it, if Yeonjun ever turned to look at him and ask ‘What just happened?’. Kai wouldn’t have known what to say.

But they did, however, spend the rest of the summer days together. Yeonjun’s apartment was small, a newly acquired place near the ocean with a low wooden bed, few night tables but always a TV, and their ancient but still resistant red couch—they had to patch it with their old clothes a few times, but it was worth it. It was all crammed in a square-shaped place (minus the bathroom space) but it was cute nonetheless. Yeonjun had posters plastered on the white walls and some other decorations Kai wasn’t able to understand, but there was one that called his attention.

“I remember going to the beach as a kid and collecting these,” Kai said holding the small jar full of shells of all colors. “I collected the prettiest ones, and my sisters made collars and bracelets with them.”

Yeonjun smiled fondly looking from the entrance, “Want to make some?” Kai nodded happily.

Yeonjun made a mess trying to pierce through the shells, but in the end, it was kind of worth it.

“Woah, they look so cute!” Kai said, looking at their fists against the other and Yeonjun’s pink bracelet near Kai’s peachy-green.

“Not cuter than you!” Yeonjun whispered, and Kai knew Yeonjun lifted his gaze expectant of Kai’s reaction. Kai blushed, his eyes were still on the bracelet, but his cheeks were surely red. “I told youuuu,” Yeonjun said cutely and squeezed Kai’s cheek.

Kai truly was losing his mind that time, and then on with Yeonjun’s romantic self. It was not entirely new to Kai, because he was used to Yeonjun speaking cutely and being really really close to each other, but things drastically change when you kiss someone you love.

“The carnival is coming tomorrow, shall we gooo?” Yeonjun asked once while they looked at the ceiling laying on the bed.

“What do I gain from it?” Kai asked daringly, he turned on his side and lifted his brow hoping for a funny reaction.

Instead, Yeonjun held Kai’s hand and caressed it looking at him, “time with me?” Kai frowned, though his heartbeat raced. “I’ll win a plushie for you.”

Kai would’ve gone anyway, even without the plushie, but Yeonjun was not the kind to break promises, so the next day, the elder walked directly to the game he thought he would easily win.

“I’ll win the large one,” Yeonjun signaled the huge white bunny hanging from the top. The man who was supposed to give them the rings Yeonjun had to toss, only laughed. Nevertheless, Yeonjun was sure he was going to win.

The sun had started to go down, and after many attempts (and a lot of cash down the drain) Yeonjun gave up. Kai laughed at the way Yeonjun’s shoulders fell and his arms were let loose, his face staring at the ground, “Hyung, you said you’d get me a plushie!” Kai pouted and rubbed Yeonjun’s belly to cheer him up. “I’ll win it for you, hyung.” Yeonjun sighed.

Kai paid for _one_ attempt, “Hyung, I’ll do it, watch and learn!” he wheezed, and his soaring confidence made Yeonjun smile. Kai threw one ring. _In_. The next. _In._ “Daebak!”

“One more, Kai-yah!” Yeonjun’s energy had gone all up again and his eyes had opened big time. He was slightly twinkling from the excitement. That made Kai smirk, and he threw the last ring with Yeonjun’s happy face in mind.

_In._

“You actually did it...” Yeonjun’s hands flew to his mouth, and he hurriedly hugged Kai from the side, resting his hands over Kai’s waist. Yeonjun buried his face in the younger’s hair, near the crook of his neck.

Kai placed his hands over Yeonjun’s. “Of course, hyung. I am amazing,” he teased.

Yeonjun giggled at that, softly near Kai’s ear. “Yes, you are, my Hueningie.”

The man in charge of the game was surprised that someone had won, the scorn look on his face had faded, and he took a while to take down the huge plushie, which gave Kai time to stay there, being hugged and feeling warm.

Later that night they slept in Yeonjun’s place, the bunny was placed thoughtfully in a corner of the bed, which meant both didn’t properly fit in it. Kai took that chance to sleep hugging Yeonjun.

And Kai wouldn’t let go of his waist, because curling next to Yeonjun made him feel waves of warmth flowing through his body. Kai had asked Yeonjun before to sleep together, Yeonjun never denied. But it didn’t feel quite that way, intimate, holding each other.

Yeonjun placed his hand slowly over Kai’s face, brushing the curls from his face away.

“Your face is so pretty,” Kai’s eyes made thin lines at the warmth in his cheek, “it’s always been so soft.” Yeonjun giggled at the silence, and it was existent because Kai wasn’t sure of how to reply. “Guess what?”

“What is it?” Kai replied quietly. The faint moonlight coming from the window beamed over Yeonjun’s face, he looked drowsy, his lips looked plush and his bright hair fell over his face, this Kai brushed it behind Yeonjun’s ear gently too.

“I love you,” Yeonjun mumbled.

Kai had heard that phrase for the umpteenth time in his life, and it had come from Yeonjun’s mouth at least a fifth out of them all. But that time, laying together, tired, and with nothing but the light of the night in the room, it made Kai’s heart tingle, move up and down, just a little.

So Kai held the cute sleepy face in front of him and gently kissed Yeonjun’s lips.

And summer was fun, lovely warmth all around, sand and the morning breeze of the sea. In all honesty, it felt like they lived together. Yeonjun who worked early morning and Kai who came back from college at noon, then they would eat at their small table, do the chores of their small home, and nap or walk on the coast.

Sometimes they discussed silly future ideas they had.

“If we ever get a pet, what should we name it?” Yeonjun asked once, he seemed to be really curious, from the way he curved his eyebrows and how intensely he munched his noodles.

“But what should we get? A cat? A dog? A parrot? I’m not sure if we can keep up, hyung,” Kai said, of course, there were days they didn’t have time to do much, so the corners of Yeonjun’s lips fell, his cheeks were still full. Like a sad puppy, he looked at Kai.

“Oh, we caaaan!” Yeonjun cheered, lifting his chopsticks, his sulky face showing, “come on, Kai-yah! Let’s get a dog, a big one, please?”

Yeonjun looked like a baby, his crystalline eyes and the cutest and fullest pout in his lips. It wasn’t Yeonjun the only one who often used such ways to get what he wanted. Kai often did so too, because, for two people who were weak over cute manners and voices, they always ended up saying yes to whatever the other wanted.

It felt great being together.

—

“You two are dating then.”

“I guess,” Kai places his forefinger over his lips, his eyes fly to the side, thinking. They _could_ be dating.

“You are so dumb,” Taehyun giggles, the sarcasm is palpable in the air. “Did you talk about it?”

“No, we just… vibe?” Taehyun hits his forehead and laughs. For Kai, it feels normal, that’s kind of what they’ve been doing since they met. It was never about titles and settling things up. More of letting yourself be guided by the ocean’s tender waves, though they might turn turbulent, or drive you astray, you just have to trust the waters, once, and maybe twice.

So there is no way it is _harboring_ , Kai thinks. Because Yeonjun knows, they just don’t talk about it. The way cherry buds eventually bloom into beautiful flowers, or how water always finds its way back to the ocean, you don’t stop to wonder if it will happen, it just does, because that’s how nature works. And that’s exactly the way Kai feels about _them_.

It never crossed his mind he had been staring, or waiting, or hoping until the waves started crashing against the coast and brought him back to his feet. Then it had already happened.

“Hey, Kai-yah!” a distant voice calls. Kai turns back to see Yeonjun jogging with a hand in the air, waving at him. His bright yellow hair stands out in the blue sky.

“Talking about the sun,” Taehyun teases, and his eyes roll. Both stand up brushing the sand off.

“I’ve been searching for you all day. I thought we would go find our dog today,” Yeonjun has been excited over getting their first dog since they talked about it. Kai didn’t forget, he got lost in the conversation and the recalling of old good times.

“Sorry, Taehyun needed a friend,” Kai smiles but hides his face with both hands.

“And now _I_ need _your_ hand,” Yeonjun says softly, and tenderly he holds Kai’s hand to lead the way, “let’s go.”

Kai waves his friend goodbye with his free hand. Kai hopes the waves to always be tender, calm, and warm, just the way they are now.

* * *

“Are you... in love?” Soobin asked, wincing near Yeonjun’s face, his eyes squinted in a judging manner.

“No!” Yeonjun placed his whole hand over Soobin’s face and pushed it away, “are you out of your mind?”

“Ouch!” Soobin rubbed his cheek, frowning. “It just makes no sense for you to overthink why he addresses you with _ssi._ You don’t care if I do.”

“You never do it, that’s why,” Yeonjun munched his noodles, looking down. “Besides, it’s Kai we’re talking about.”

Kai was exactly the issue. Yeonjun was quite literally the coolest kid around, and beside him walked a tiny body, like a starfish stuck to a rock. It was fun having someone who would follow, and who laughed along at all the funny and not so funny jokes Yeonjun threw around.

Yeonjun had found the company of a younger brother in Kai. The kid who stared from afar, and who later would train with him every noon. Yeonjun made friends easily, he often took care of people even at his young age, and Kai was a scaredy cat walking into unknown territory. For Yeonjun it was cute looking at the younger’s eyes quivering, or blushing out of the blue. Though Yeonjun enjoyed playing volleyball, Kai’s shiny eyes were what kept Yeonjun’s day brillian.

At first it was volleyball, later were all sort of things they both enjoyed doing.

So it didn’t feel right to be called _Yeonjun-ssi._ Not after all those years.

“Why do you call me Yeonjun-ssi? I thought we were past that stage. People think we are brothers. Do you not love me anymore, Hueningie?” Yeonjun’s hands were flying in the air and his eyes wouldn’t part ways from Kai’s, who had a hard time holding eye contact. Kai had covered his face, leaving between his fingers the smallest slit to see. _Oh, he is cute!_ He was always cute, with the cherry red on his pale skin and the most beautiful brown eyes to ever exist.

“I’m sorry, Yeonjun-hyung!” Kai bowed quickly and giggled. “I am used to addressing other hyungs like that, just a habit I picked up as a child.”

“But it feels… detached? Like we are not close,” Yeonjun’s lower lip stuck out, he was sulking, he didn’t want to be like Kai’s _other_ hyungs, “are you sure you address them like that? I don’t want to be the only one, much less when we spend all the time together,” they had been watching movies all day, eating homemade popcorn.

“I promise it won’t happen again, hyung,” Kai softly rubbed Yeonjun’s belly with a smile. Yeonjun knew that was Kai’s way of comforting him, but it happened again, and again, and again. Yeonjun heaved incessantly and rolled his eyes in exasperation, the conversation repeated three times before their last movie ended.

On the weekend Yeonjun walked to Soobin’s house. He hastily rang the bell, and at the sight of his recently woken up friend, Yeonjun asked even before greeting, “does Kai call you Soobin-ssi?”

“Hello? What do you mean?” Soobin smirked, confused, ruffling his hair. 

“Like... Soobin-SSI, instead of Soobin-hyung?” Yeonjun asked, impatiently waiting for his friend’s answer. 

“Uhm, sometimes,” Soobin looked up thinking, but his words sounded unsure to Yeonjun’s ears.

“No, no, often or sometimes…?” Yeonjun eyebrows puckered tightly. He had been thinking about it for days and Soobin was the only one he could comfortably bombard with questions about it, his best friend would never judge him.

“Pretty sure _sometimes_ ,” sometimes, sometimes, sometimes… Soobin spoke calmly, but Yeonjun’s mind was everything but calm, it ran miles per second.

“Woah, why do I get it so often then?” Yeonjun threw his hands around and walked in a fuss inside Soobin’s house. He sat, head in hands, on the couch. “Where did I go wrong?”

“I’ll cook ramen for you. It’ll cheer you up,” Soobin smirked again, this time relieved. It was no surprise to him when Yeonjun walked in with his messy mind and tangled thoughts. Food was often a tool stronger than talking.

But Soobin wasn’t right that one time, noodles didn’t cheer Yeonjun up, and he was not in love with Kai. 

Though he had noticed that Kai’s eyes shone when he looked at him, they shone prettily, and Yeonjun knew exactly why. It was something he didn’t want to act on. After all, Kai was his friend.

“He’ll forget,” Yeonjun had told Soobin once they were eating at the university’s cafeteria. Yeonjun wasn’t worried, he knew how things went. It had gone the same way for him too.

“What if he doesn’t?” Soobin asked, handing a soda into Yeonjun’s hand. Yeonjun had introduced Kai to Soobin only a few months ago, but Soobin looked like he knew the kid from longer than Yeonjun ever could, they even chatted quite often, “what if you end up falling in love too?”

The question was something that stuck in his mind for quite the longest time anything ever had. Things usually went in and out unless they came from some kind of teacher, but this one, in particular, made Yeonjun’s heart clench. He would never fall for a kid.

But maybe he spent too much time with such kid. And maybe that kid meant too much for him. Kai had asked once what it felt like to _kiss someone_ , and Yeonjun was quite an experienced kisser, a pretty great one if anyone asked. But Yeonjun was also great at deciphering people’s subtle intentions with him, yet he would never say anything if he couldn’t return the feelings. The thing with Kai was… confusing. Because anyone else might have kissed his friend (and Yeonjun would’ve punched that anyone else), but it wasn’t going to be him.

“Hyung, but love isn’t something you notice from a day to another,” Soobin said, it was his usual speech over how impossible it was for Yeonjun to haven’t developed any feelings for Kai. It was always Soobin trying to teach him how love wasn’t the fleeting and flickering feeling Yeonjun thought it was, “love develops without you noticing.”

“You are making no sense, Soobin-ah,” but Yeonjun didn’t want to listen.

Later, when Kai’s life seemed to have swayed away from Yeonjun’s, and the younger had grown from a cute little pale boy into a taller and beautiful man—a man who was in love with another man—that was when Yeonjun’s heart ached just a little. Because though Yeonjun wasn’t always sure about his feelings, and seeing Kai's happy face after his dates made Yeonjun happy too, it felt off.

Off in ways Yeonjun should’ve not felt, because he wasn’t in love, and he didn’t fantasize about holding Kai’s hands or kissing Kai’s lips, or being less than a grain of sand away. They had been close for so long, it was normal, it felt natural.

And well, maybe he did. Maybe he did want to hold Kai, and kiss him, and make him happy, and be happy by his side. Maybe Yeonjun wanted to be close, but not the children watching TV and playing games kind of close. Not in the way he had gotten used to and been blinded by.

Yeah, maybe Soobin was right. Yeonjun was in love. Yeonjun loved Kai in the way he loved very few things, like the sea and the waves in it. The sea he always looked at without actually looking, and the waves some soft and some wild. He didn’t have to chase it like he usually did with every other thing he liked. Yeonjun knew the sea would be there even when he wasn’t, but Kai wasn’t any sea, nor any person he had casually met and let go.

Yeonjun loved Kai in soft but constant waves, slowly, surely, unnoticeable at first. So he had to wait, for Kai.

**Author's Note:**

> I struggled for a while thinking about what I wanted to write, and the road I wanted to take this story through. That means I started plotting with no motif (besides your birthday) until I found one after sleeping 4 hours and panicking over school, and deadlines. I saw someone on my priv tl mentioning _kiss it off me_ , I liked the beat and the title gave me huge ideas, the lyrics were not taken into consideration whatsoever, but after that, I went through the whole album and if I ignore some NSFW letters, I think it is great and lovely. I am constantly experimenting with structures and narratives, so yeah… TT I hope you liked it, little mei.
> 
> _[I made beomkai date and break up for the sake of it not to be sookai breaking up, god. I'm a monster /lh. ]_
> 
> If anyone else is reading this, thank you!! I appreciate your comments and your presence, even if all you want is to scream over yeonkai, go ahead, I'll scream with you. So what do you think? ^^ Let's be friends! [twt](https://twitter.com/NlNGYU) ! [cc](https://curiouscat.me/apricty)


End file.
